Some thoughts about cravings.

     I want that vanilla, mint chip ice cream.

     I want another scoop. Mmmm, taste so good.

     And i'll have that red velvet cupcake.

     Just one more, please.  NOW.

     Chips - salt and vinegar.  Gotta have them.  Not sure why.

     Maybe because it tastes so good. Mmmm.....

Food cravings, like emotional eating, sabotage our weight-loss and health goals.

DON’T TAKE IT AWAY!

Deprivation conjures images of famine, homelessness and scurvy.  Not to mention desperation and loneliness.  The fear of deprivation is in our genes.  In the course of our evolution, deprivation meant death.  Fighting for survival is fundamental to our ancient brain.   

When I was growing up, I had my own fears of deprivation and abandonment.  Looking back, I can see that the fear was not necessarily based in reality.  My mother lovingly dedicated herself to raising my brothers and I.  Yet, my primal fears created a veil between that love and my heart/brain, stopping its vital absorption.  My only point is that fear of deprivation is not always real.  It can exist only in our thoughts and minds.  

How does this fear of not having enough impact our self-care? Especially when it comes to losing weight?  What is deprivation in our modern world?

WHAT THOUGTS COME WHEN YOU THINK “EXERCISE?”

I am a dinosaur when it comes to exercise.  That is, my brain thinks I should get enough exercise just by living my life.  Like the cave men and women -- reach, stretch, lift, run – all part of daily chores. 

One problem.  My work is at the computer, reading at my desk, and my leisure is generally on the couch watching the next episode of “Genius” or “Orange is the New Black.” 

I can’t escape the fact that in the evolution that led to my current lifestyle, physical exercise, as we have come to know it, is required if I want to live a long, healthy life. 

I proclaim I am a rEVOLUTIONARY Woman!

I am purposely using the latest brain and obesity research to evolve and achieve success for myself and my clients. 

I know about healthy eating.  

I am daily applying the principles of what my body needs to stay right-sized. 

LOSING WEIGHT WITHOUT EXERCISE

I lost 40#s (twice) without exercise. 

This may have caused some arrogance. 

Myth: Women in their 50s, 60s and 70s can’t lose weight.

Of course, you bought into the myth that once you pass menopause, weight gain is inevitable. 

Your body is proof.  Everyone says it.  You haven’t changed your eating habits, yet you seem to be gaining weight, year after year.

My experience of perimenopause and menopause consisted of hot flashes, heavy bleeding for 7 months, accompanied by suicidal thoughts.  I thought having a seven-pound human come out of my vajayjay was crazy town, but this new “woman’s” experience was blowing my mind. 

Menopause came at the height of my career. 

I had to learn to become intimately familiar with my own emotions. 

I thought I was a feeling person, only to discover that instead of feeling my emotions, I was distracting myself from them. 

I know this because I was 40lbs overweight, miserable and had the same conversations in my head every day.

“Why can’t you stick with a healthy diet?” “Why are you so miserable?”  “If I just eat one of those, it won’t be a problem, right?” “What’s wrong with you?”  “Why are you being controlled by a quart of chocolate chip ice cream?”  Funny thing, my clients often have similar thoughts running through their heads when they start coaching.

Do allow yourself to be changed by your emotions?  I know I don’t like to show people when I change.  I sometimes hold a mask up to the world to hide feeling inadequate, shame or other negative emotions.  Shouldn’t I have it all together already? 

How often are we hiding and running from our emotions?

If you are an emotional eater, you use food to distract you from feeling uncomfortable emotions.  Even though you know that each bite brings you closer to disappointment, which feels more terrible.

Are you are now in your 60s and your weight is an issue that won’t budge?

Are you one of the original yo-yo dieters and you're tired of having food rule your life? 

If you have struggled with weight over the years, you have likely been sabotaged by cravings. You get started on another diet.  You're doing great, maybe even lose a pound.  Then a craving hits, and you feel out of control. 

One of the strategies I teach my clients is mindfulness.  I don’t know about where you live, but being mindful is a concept that is pervasive in Northern California where I live.

Have you heard of mindful eating?

I tried mindful eating at Spirit Rock Meditation Center.  I was given a raisin and asked to hold it in my hand, and to look it over.  OK.  Next, we were instructed to take a bite – yes, a bite of a raisin.  I didn’t even know that that was possible.  Then we were asked to described its taste and its texture. Cool. I didn’t see the usefulness of this exercise at the time.

What is emotional eating?

Every time you eat, you’re solving a problem. Either you’re hungry and food provides your body the energy it needs to function, or you’re eating to sooth, avoid, or distract from a negative emotion such as boredom, agitation, loneliness, anxiety, stress, anger, or any other uncomfortable feeling.  I noticed my emotional reaction to the signs of aging goes from joy and acceptance to shock and surprise!

Welcome to your 60s.  This is the decade of authenticity and freedom.  It is your time to choose YOU.  Decide for yourself--with purpose and intention--how you want to spend your time.  How do you want to behave toward yourself and others?  Why?  Coming to our 60s is an opportunity and a privilege as I see it.

Natural weight, right-sized body, healthy weight, thin – by any other name.

Natural weight, right-sized body, healthy weight, thin --whatever you call it -- when you’ve had a lifetime indulging an antagonistic relationship with your body and food as I did, and finally land at a healthy, right-sized, natural weight; it is paradise. Even if I had to wait until I was close to 60!

“If you want to find out why you overeat, stop overeating.” Brooke Castillo

Weight is the Star of the Show

Recently a client of mine had a great Ah Ha! moment.  She was successfully losing weight, following her meal plan when she had a thought – “I don’t think I want to do this anymore.” It was a brief whisper of a thought that seemed to land quickly and take off.  At first, she didn’t think much of it.  She was surprised at her own success and proud of taking consistent action. Proud of doing hard things. She was retraining her brain.

Yet, that little whisper of a thought could have been poison.  She paid attention to that thought and then she challenged it.  She discovered she did want to keep doing this.  She wasn’t hungry. She wasn’t suffering.  She was bored.  It was time to create some new goals.  What might she do with the time her brainhad previously spent on food chatter?  She was putting off planning a vacation.  How about doing some research and making some plans? Done.  Thought challenged and dissolved.

If weight loss is what you seek, here are 4 Keys to Get Started. 

1.       Make a decision.

You must first make a decision brought upon by your own will. No one can do this for you. You can make a decision now even if you have made this decision before. 

2.       Make a commitment.

          When you decide to commit to something, it's different than just wanting to do it.

          If you are 100% committed, you will succeed.  It doesn’t mean you will be perfect. It means you will be committed to keep going and keep learning.  You may fail and fall, yet you will succeed if you are 100% committed.  Guaranteed.

3.       Make a plan.

          Choose a meal plan you will follow and that works for your body.

          Plan for discomfort.

          Plan for hunger.

          Plan for obstacles.

The human body is not static in nature – our cells are ever changing.  Our skin sheds every 2 to 4 weeks.  The cells in our lungs renew themselves every 2-3 weeks and our heart regenerates 3 or 4 times over our life time, approximately every 20 years.

Using imaging, science has observed that the brain physically changes with new experiences. 

Your brain is always seeking the easy way forward.  Neuropathways are like superhighways of connections between neurons that are created with new thoughts and actions.  The more we repeat a pattern of thought and action, the clearer the pathway and the stronger the behavior is.  When emotion is stirred, the neural pathway is stronger yet.

When I was young and could not understand my emotions, I hid my feelings from everyone.  My situation was confusing to me and my emotions were overwhelming.  Repeatedly hiding in reaction to my emotions - over and over and over - created a pattern.  Eventually I started eating to cover my emotions – sadness, fear, shame - and the overwhelming confusion caused by hiding. The brain doesn’t care if the pattern we create is useful or not.  When a negative thought would bubble up from my unconscious, I ate to distract myself. 

What?

What stops you from acting on your desire for change?

What happens when you decide to believe you cannot change? 

          Your thoughts serve as your strait jacket.

          Belief turns your feet to clay.

          Fear of your emotions weigh your body down.

          Your beliefs imprison your mind.

Everything starts with a desire, then a vision and a story or belief, followed by a decision and action.  Everything created in your life started this way.  Maybe it wasn’t conscious. Some of us are better at dreaming, some at taking action, some with deciding.  Some of us are good at wanting.  I have thought I want to live by the ocean.  I want to exercise every day.  I want to be a better partner and mother.  I haven’t reached all of these goals, yet.  But if the desire wasn’t there, would it ever be possible?

LEARNING SOMETHING NEW IMPLIES YOU DON'T YET HAVE THE KNOWLEDGE TO ACHIEVE IT.

I remember a moment years ago when I was attending a Catholic mass and Father Tom, an incredibly talented and wise priest, read Jesus' words, “What do you want me to do for you?” I was startled because I don’t ever remember hearing those words before.  “What do you want me to do for you?”  Father Tom asked us – "What do you want him to do for you?" 

The amazing thing about that moment was that I didn’t really know the answer.  Imagine, you can get anything you want if you can just say what it is.  My point has nothing to do with Jesus. My point is:  are we ready to live the life we want, right now?  If someone came up to you and asked, “What are the underlying values that guide your life and your wants?”  "When you end your day, are you satisfied that the time you spent fulfilled your values and goals?"  Are you living your own life, or the life other people desire for you?  Are you living fully in your body, or are you hiding?

THE CURIOUS BRAIN

As children, we learn everything from our instinctive curiosity.  Watching, absorbing, listening, touching, tasting, copying, and trying over and over.  We learn language; our curiosity is expressed in questions.  How many parents and adults have been frustrated by the 58th “Why?” asked in a high-pitched voice by the toddler and finally answered with an exasperated response: “BECAUSE I SAID SO!” 

In a More Beautiful Question, Warren Berger reports on research revealing that a child asks about forty thousand questions between the ages of two and five.  The questions range from simple factual questions to requests requiring explanations.  As this is happening, there is rapid brain growth -- about a quadrillion connection of neurons firing in a child’s brain.  (That is 1,000,000,000,000,000.)

Image - We Are Nature II by Christoffer Relander.  This week's blog is a visual feast of nature. Relax, release and connect to nature

“Dear Santa, Merry Christmas.  I was very good this year and I tried really hard to get along with my brothers, but Michael made it really hard.  I want a 007 attaché case and an erector set and a Barbie doll. We left you some milk and cookies.  I hope you like them.  Love 2c, Pats"

Ho, Ho, Ho –  Did you ever write a letter to Santa or encourage you children to write a letter to Santa?  This was probably the first time you put a desire on paper. 

I never got the Barbie doll until years later when it didn't seem to matter.  You may have received your desired gift and been transformed with the idea of the magic of receiving what you asked for. Or you may never have received that one thing you believed could make you happy and it still colors your world. 

Join me on a 12 month journey of self-knowledge and life design for survivors of child abuse. 

We started with the skill of awareness in November.  Each month I will share skills I practice to create the life I choose, on purpose and not driven by the events of the past.  We continue our exploration of awareness - this time of our emotional body.

Last week I gave you 3 exercises to help you become aware of your thoughts during Thanksgiving.  Did you write in your notebook?  Did you notice your thoughts? (Check out FaceBook Live each week.) We now have entered the holiday season.  It’s a time when emotions run high, when sentiments and memories are relived and reformed, when traditions honored or rejected.  How do you experience your emotions?

Let’s prepare.  Great challenges lie ahead.  This world demands your full presence and engagement.  We are being asked to pay attention.  To care for ourselves and each other.  I want you to join me on one path through the maze.   You who experienced the unfathomable, are especially invited to be present and engage. We are all required.

Are you struggling with critical thoughts that cause you pain?  Do you try to control your feelings toward your partner?  Are you second guessing your decisions? Do you worry that you are wasting your life, not living to your potential?  Are you living from your values?  Do you have an inkling of your purpose?