Full Episode Transcript

With Your Host

Pat Beaupre Becker

You are listening to, "It's Never Too Late to Lose Weight", a podcast with Pat Beaupre Becker, Episode 35.

Welcome to "It's Never Too Late to Lose Weight", a podcast for women approaching 60 who have been successful at everything but reaching their weight loss goals. Tune in each week for tools and strategies to help you lose weight, create a strong body and support a healthy mind. Here's your host, certified weight and life coach, Pat Beaupre Decker.

Hello my dears, how are you today? I want you to know that today, I'm actually in this moment, very, very fantastic. Now, this is colored by the fact that earlier today, I actually felt anxious, crappy, maybe I felt sad. When I looked to my body, it feels like this vague sensation that takes root inside me, right? It's in the center of my chest and my upper stomach and it's moving. It's an undulating sensation and then, if I feel my eyes they feel pressure and teary. So, is this my emotion of sadness? Maybe likely. Well it comes, and it goes there's really nothing to be sad about today. And thank God that the feeling comes and goes and this is where I ask myself, "How can I love myself with this feeling?" Even though, I can't tell you what exactly it's from. There might be some thoughts back there that are creating it, but it kind of comes, and it goes.

And how can I feel this and still be a vital human being? What can I do today to make a contribution to my purpose, even though I have this feeling? So, I sit with it. They sit side-by-side for a while. And then I look at my plan for the day, and I focus on what I can do and then, I do it. And today, that "do it" is this podcast, which is really a love letter to you. Because, today's episode is on self-love. What does it actually look like? And I think it's one of the most important concepts that I have been learning and practicing and continuing to learn because, I think that when you get this concept, when you can really feel that self-love, it is going to have the biggest impact on your weight loss, if that's your goal.

So, then I will end the podcast with 10 moves toward self-love. Suggestions that I'm going to make that will get you closer to self-love and self-care. It never ceases to amaze me how judgmental we are towards ourselves. I mean, if you take a look at your thoughts about yourself, and you see how cruel you can be to yourself. It's amazing isn't? What questions do you ask yourself over and over? Why can't I figure out how to be healthy? Why me? Why is this hunger never ending? How do you hate yourself, maybe for your feelings or your face? Maybe you hate your personality. Maybe it's your feet, maybe it's your family. I had the usual hates. My nose, my stomach, my family history. And I used to hate myself for feeling any emotion because it showed my weakness, and my weakness would be my undoing.

Now, if you get to live a long life as I have, you get to see how crazy those beliefs were and yet, how influential they are on every part of our lives. When I set out to change, to self-love, self-healing and forgiveness I knew that the only thing that I didn't have was the direct experience of knowing that I have everything I need. What? What am I saying? I have everything I need, I just don't know it. How crazy is that? You have everything you need, you just don't feel it. So, this is the beginning of a string that I held onto. And let's follow that string, okay?

So, if you have everything you need to love yourself right now, let's say the ability to learn about what food is healthy for your body, how much your body needs. How much it needs to lose weight, how much it needs to fuel your energy. If you knew you had everything you needed to accept yourself, to love yourself, to forgive yourself, to enjoy yourself. To get what you need, if you knew that you have everything you need. How could your life be? What would your life be like?

So, this is what I've been discovering over the years and more recently, these past months as I think on it and I think of you because, so many of my clients struggle with this self-hatred, and it doesn't matter if you are 40, if you are 50, if your 60 or if you are 70 or if you are 80.

The trick to loving yourself, I believe, is to allow it all. Don't cut it out, or get rid of it. The violence we act upon ourselves and our thoughts and actions, you see, we thought they were necessary in order to get us to change. We thought this violence; this criticism was what was required so that we could be successful at change. No, I disagree, it's not. It hasn't worked.

I believe now we have to allow the mistakes and the big and the little successes. We have to allow the bursts of anger and the spontaneous giving and celebration of ourselves and our friends. We have to allow the slip of the tongue, the embarrassment and the kind words you use to console and encourage. We have to allow for the overeating and learning how not to do it. We have to allow the practice of new habits and the successful days. We have to allow the deprivation and the hunger.

So, I think you want to give yourself a wide berth, or an open field, a deep space, a clear lake or a moving river. Whatever it is that you can use in your imagination because, change and growth need space. Change and growth need love and nurturing. Change and growth need time.

I've been retelling this story about the restless, hungry cow and this has been shared as a metaphor for meditation and how restless we feel when we go to meditation and not to expect that we won't feel restless but actually, to have this image of a hungry, restless cow, and it has this huge open field with lots of grass. And it goes into this field with all its restlessness and eventually, it starts to eat and next thing you know, it falls asleep, and it is very calm and satisfied. I like to use this image. I've been using it for myself, right? As a way to encompass all of my restlessness, my sadness, my joy. As this big open field with lots of tall grasses. And I get to wander around in it and as I wander, things shift and change and morph from sadness to happiness. From joy to disappointment. But I allow it all to be there in this huge open grassy field.

In terms of weight loos, you may think that giving up your special foods will be never ending deprivation. In terms of, life you may believe that the death of a loved one will bring never ending grief. You may also believe that when you eat from your emotions, that this discomfort of feeling your emotions will be a never-ending discomfort. But everything changes, every moment ends. And this isn't a philosophical ... Well, it might be a philosophical concept but, we know it to be true through our own experience.

If you believe healthy eating is a never-ending deprivation. Well, I'm going to say it's more than a fair exchange because, I don't want you to deprive yourself of opportunities to learn, to feel, and to grow. To lose that weight, to challenge yourself on that marathon, to take that class. Don't deprive yourself of the acknowledgement that you're a human being with emotions, with a spiritual expression. And most of all, don't deprive yourself of challenging yourself.

Aging does not mean giving up and becoming irrelevant. You can still meet and overcome challenges, and I believe, we have more capacity now than ever before.

So, do deprive yourself of feeling sorry for yourself, of having a pity party. Deprive yourself of focusing on the negative because, we know that decreases your resilience and sucks your energy. Don't deprive yourself of grief, of feeling the love between you and the beloved. Of remembering the gift they were, of taking up the challenge of going on without them. Of feeling the pain and the joy of having been with them, of giving their life meaning through you.

Do deprive yourself of pretty, sugary things that will make you feel like hell and cause you great discomfort. But don't deprive yourself of the discomfort required for change and growth. Do not deprive yourself of the discomfort of doing hard things because, discomfort means your developing strength. Muscles are growing, tissues are dying and being reborn.

Now, I have chosen to evolve because I needed to allow and be kind for having emotions. I no longer fight that food battle because I allow my emotions. And now I have this direct experience of feeling all of my vulnerability. And I also have the grace of still being alive, right? And this emotion that I talked about of sadness that I feel it comes, and it goes, it's been coming and going for many years, and it's a perfect example of how I have learned to love myself. Because, this feeling used to lead me to overeating and over-drinking and isolating, and indulging in watching like, hours, and hours of TV. But now, I hold myself in this open field allowing for every action and emotion and surprise.

So, I was sitting in my garden earlier today, a beautiful butterfly came through and then a humming bird. And then this squirrel came who really creates havoc among the manzanitas. It's all here, all in the big grassy field of my mind. And that is what self-love looks like today, here in Nevada. What about where you're sitting?

I want to give you 10 moves towards self-love. Movement number one, be willing to experience even for a moment, the truth of love and positivity somewhere in your life. Because if you can feel that, even a little bit, you can then expand it. Imagine that moment, that feeling is you experiencing that you have everything you need to create health and wellbeing in that moment. Do you know that you're the best candidate for the job of loving you and experiencing you? You're better qualified than your parents, your siblings, your partner, and your friends to know how to love you.

Movement number two, know that you have the ability to seek answers to questions and apply tools to feel better about your life. You don't have to know them already, you can learn them in the future.

Movement three, define what's important to you and then, ask yourself. "How can I make a contribution to what's important to me today?"

Movement four, know your thoughts and what words are contained in the sentences you repeat in your head. Are they kind or are they cruel?

Movement number five, ask better questions each day. "How can I live from love toward myself and you? What decision would I make if I were truly, madly in love with myself? How can I give myself what I want to give my beloved? Or, how can I give myself what I want my beloved to give me?"

Movement number six, allow your mistakes, and your restlessness to exist without judgment.

And movement number seven, challenge yourself to grow and to change.

Movement number eight, love your face and your body and your personality. Love yourself as you would love your son or your daughter or your partner's face. Just decide to love yourself.

Movement number nine, make joy a part of every single day.

Movement number 10, consider that you are a creature with a body, a mind, and a spirit. And look at enriching each of them in small ways, every day.

So now, I want to go to My Favorite Things and really, it's going to be nature. As I was sitting preparing for this podcast, butterflies came across my garden, the birds were flying around everywhere. And we even had some quail and dove visiting. And then of course, there's the squirrel. The squirrels that irritate me, those squirrels that I want to chase away for some reason. But they're all there, and I love them all. And in considering that I was putting these squirrels into my thoughts about today, it actually enabled me to look at that squirrel with a little more patience and kindness then I have ever done before. So I guess the squirrel thanks you.

Thank you for listening to, "It's Never Too Late to Lose Weight". I hope that I can serve as an example as healing and growth as I continue sharing my journey because, I'm so happy to have you with me. Because ladies, I fiercely know that it's never too late for radical generosity, forgiveness and self-love. I'll see you next week.

Thanks for listening to this episode of, "It's Never Too Late to Lose Weight". If you liked what you heard and want more, head over to never2late.info/guide. To download your quick start guide to jump start your weight loss plan and being creating an amazing life you love.