Recently a friend said that after not using her drug of choice (sugar) she felt like her emotions were bigger than her body.  I remember being in my first 12-step meeting for co-dependency when my own sense of the emotion of shame felt like it exploded out of my chest and rendered me a blubbering idiot.  To my horror, I couldn’t hold my emotions in any longer.  My fear was exposed.  I actually didn’t even realize it was a fear.  My cover was blown; I was a phony; a weakling who pretended to be strong and competent but was now revealed as a puny, fear-filled imposter.  My body started tingling all over, my face was hot and red and the tears overflowed from my eyes as I blurrily stared at the blue carpet, set in squares splattered with red fiber and my tears.  That was the beginning of a new life for me.  Facing my vulnerability and recognizing that I had this huge ball of shame inside my body because I needed love.  Shame on me that I wanted a life partner and that I was willing to tolerate so little; and when even that tiny amount of attention was withdrawn I succumbed to pretending that it didn’t matter.  What a heavy burden – exhausting in body, sterile in mind.  I believed that I 1) didn’t deserve love; 2) didn’t deserve to feel bad if I were hurting; 3) should expect hurt in all love relationships.